Elmer's Glue & Crayola

These are some of my guilty pleasures. Along with chocolate liquors, justin timberlake, and Project Runway.

One of my favorite times of the year is when every Target, Walgreens and WalMart procreates school supplies in abundance. Markers for .50, pencil sharpeners for .39, irradescent rulers for 1.25. Thank you China for your productions. I don't know what it is about all the supplies that makes me all giddy, but everytime I pass the crates of supplies my adrenaline gets goin'.

Some people jump out of airplanes. The rest of us get aroused by trapper keepers and mechanical pencils. This is how I've come to terms with being a nerd: I've added cute clothes to the image and people can't gage my dork barometer.

This is the second year that I won't be scanning the shelves of an over-priced university book store price-checking required text and supplements recording their charge on some scrap paper so I can compare it to amazon marketplace.
College book stores make me salivate like Pavlov's dog and that damn bell.

I would be lieing if I told you that I don't plan on buying some folders and spiral notebooks just for the fun of it. I justify the crayons and markers by using them as "art therapy" with my clients :) Too bad they don't put palm pilots and blackberrys up for clearance during School Days Sales.

I told Elly that if (shouldn't I be saying "when"?) I get serious enough about my writing, I'll buy an iBook for City Life 101. That way I can be as cool as Carrie. and, Maybe then I'll also get my Mr. Big.

Cheers to new subjects.

1 more reason to love Pop Culture

As if the Emmy's weren't funny enough with Conan's wit and Colbert & Stewart's dynamic duo "Bow to your idol Babylon!", the VMA's will feature this highly anticipated performance. How did I live without cable for so long? MTV, I love you.

Terminal E: The postmodern asylum

sometimes when i'm bored i go to my favorite airport terminal in the world: terminal E, Houston, Texas. it's true. i have been in a lot of places in my day, but terminal E takes the cake (or the fajita tacos in this case. God bless Papasitos Cantina).

the airport is like my second home. i've been inhabiting terminals for years because my mother injected traveling into my blood (or maybe I'm an escapist as amanda says). i feel at home in airports it is the strangest thing i know.

however, since the events of this month's security concerns in Britain I have canceled two trips. i began to realize how the state of travel is now akin to psych wards. i'm just as familiar with the latter.

inpatient psychiatric treatment requires certain safety measures upon admission. included in this are body checks, removal of all personal items that contain strings/glass/sharp edges, and locking you in while taking most control away a person. it's safe, but it doesn't always feel very welcoming.

i'm beginning to feel that my obsession with travel is taking a significant and humiliating transformation. just like the patients who walk around with boat-like tennis shoes with no laces and lounge pants held up with rubber bands for draw-strings.

this week i have to leave town and i'm not looking forward to it, which is unfortunate. i anticipate that going through the rigamaroll of check-in and security will be forboding. it's just a matter of time before they take everything from us. like when patients' have makeup/foundation bottles, or mouthwash, then staff take it away just in case the patient uses the cap to cut themself or drinks the 22oz. Scope for it's alcohol content.

taking the personal items is safe, but it robs you of so much decency & dignity you begin to wonder if the stay is even worth it at all.

space

one of my favorite things about my job is creating space for people to feel comfortable enough to share their lives with me. the more i think about it, the more i realize that if we actually did this in our personal relationships, life would really be so intimate.

the whole process is really interesting because you start asking yourself what does it take for someone to trust a room enough to feel safe. and what does it take for a person to trust you enough to give it a go.

i'm not sure how well i did, but my office looks really cool. there is a lot of color, which is more about me than it is about them. i wonder what my clients will need to feel that safety. sometimes it seems no matter how much you try, it always comes back to them being willing to jump into the abyss having faith that they won't be in it alone.

through the eyes of bonita

My Week in Review:

1. Went to a training in the "Loop" at 200 N Michigan the latter end of the week on Behavioral Change in High Risk Youth. Turns out a key to changing behavior is considering which a person is lacking more: Importance or Confidence.
2. Had lunch in Millenium Park while the Blue Angels flew over head practicing for the Air & Water Show.
















3. Walked through hordes of Cubs fans (probley from the suburbs. . suburban people are always way too shy crossing city streets) who were trying to get to Wrigley but who couldn't seem to understand the flow of traffic on Clark. I've got to find a new way home on Cubs game days.
4. Saw Joshua Radin and Anna Nalick at Park West. The former was like a good cup of Joe with a shot of Bailey's on a cold February night by the fireplace watching the snow fall. The latter was like Lisa Loeb meets Aerosmith, a strange strange combination.















5. Went to hear the Chicago Symphony play Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5 and Prokofiev's Symphony No. 5 with friends downtown. We had some Reisling and enjoyed the city lights and crisp strings in the finest outdoor venue in the heart of chicago.

Just when you start thinking about leaving a town. . . you fall in love all over again.

The Urban Outdoors and Sylvia Plath

"Grab an oar and start paddling". That's what a co-worker said to me today on my first day at my new job. The day went great and I'm pleased to inform you that I have 2 windows in my office which means my plants (yes they're still alive!) will be happy to be in a new home. I'm going to be located in one of their satellite locations which is much smaller. . . and much quieter.

They are sending me the next 3 days to a training downtown Chicago and I've been told I won't actually have clients or run any groups until after Labor Day-Whew. I'm also going to be working with some of their Wilderness Therapy and should be able to help with the next trip coming up in September to Cheese Country WI for some rock climbing. I'll keep you posted on what I get to do.

In the mean time I've been enjoying a little bit of the outdoors here in the city. Last week I took a trip with a big group from church kayaking down the chicago river. Total we did just at 7 miles down into the bay of the Lake to watch the fireworks off Navy Pier. It was stunning. We took off right at sunset and were out at least 4+ hours. I'll just say this: the Merchantile Mart looks like a ginormous castle from a kayak on the river. The buildings were spectacular as always, especially from the only green kayak on the river.

I was thinking about how people gave me a hard time that I'd be able to have the outdoors in the city. Of course they were all idiots and I'm the genius. Ladies and gentlemen you can have your cake, and lick the frosting.

Is it scary that I might have a lot in common with Ester?? Here's the latest from The Bell Jar on the matter:

"Remember how you asked me where would I like to live best, the country or the city? And I said I wanted to live in the country and in the city both?" Ester said.

"You could live between them. Then you could go to the city sometimes and to the country sometimes, " Buddy suggested.
"And you laughed and said I had the perfect setup of a true neurotic. Well you were right. I am neurotic. If neurotic is wanting two mutually exculsive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
Buddy put his hand in mine, "Let me fly with you."

Lori Stoneman & her Tepid cup

The Way I See It # 141

I used to feel so alone in the city.

All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside.

Because how do you meet a new person?

I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized,

you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you.

Or you may marry them. And that possibility

is worth that one word.

-Augusten Burroughs

Author of Running with Scissors
(this person stole this from me. i actually wrote it forever ago; and

frankly I never run with scissors)

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If you haven't been approved to be Lori's friend yet, you should run right over and hope to get approved. She's one of the coolest people I know. . . and I know a lot of cool people. After all, I am Bonita.

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She sent me this cut out from her *Bux recently. She also sent me a compass necklace which has guided me through many lost adventures downtown.

About the quote: it's pretty much my urban philosophy.

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The way Bonita sees it. .. . "Hi" has brought me the following people in a city full to the brim:

My roomates, a guy i went dancing with, my small group at church , this musician friend, some great dinners, and a collection of spontaneous stories that you wouldn't believe even if I told you.

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My favorite place to practice #141 is on the "El". I say, take more risks people-what do you have to lose? I say risks are regrets birthing. And I don't want to bare any offspring of the sort.

because i don't want to share my own thoughts

when i was in middle school my older sister told me that sometimes she would write down the things that other people said when they were quote worthy. thus, she began her personal quote log of everyday brilliance. being a closet journal addict i did the same.

here are a few quotes i've been thinking of lately. some have been said recently, others are fairly old.

on success and identity-
I don't want to be just another pretty face in the hallway. AMANDA

You need at least one person in your life who doesn't think you're great. DOMINIC

on singleness (and it's frustrations)-
Just remember, you can do what you want whenever you want to. MITZI

Now why would one of the coolest people I know be single? ELLY

There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction-every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour. SYLVIA PLATH in "The Bell Jar"

babysitting my nieces

i've learned a few things these last few days.

1. do whatever you can to get a 2 year to laugh after she falls, even if this means dancing like a madwoman and making high pitched circus noises. there's no shame in (pseudo) parenting

2. (much) older women with long salt & pepper hair wrapped up into a loose bun should not continue to try using a gerbil's ball with a bell inside to make a 5 month old smile at the portrait studies at Target when the 5 month old wails upon her approach. they should work instead at Pet Land and hand farrets to other people's children.

3. watching Sesame Streets' Count it Higher with Numbers can be much more entertaining than i thought, but by night 4 Count Von Count starts looking a little creepier and i start feeling like i might need a "blanky" for soothing

4. dallas is really fun at night when you're running through the fountains downtown to cool off

5. Pavlov was a freaking genius with that bell gig. you can condition a child to do just about anything, except of course bowel movements. . . you just hope to God that the prune juice you added to their formula helps their constipation so you can actually get some sleep at night. (i'm crossing my fingers now)

6. and most importantly, having a 2 year old yell "Tia!!" across the house to play with you is the sweetest sound in tejas

"My Burden" or "My Job" or "How to Keep your Organs Inside your Skin" or "I Heart Wolverine" or "Maybe I Just Need a Hug"

Forgive me. I've been writing so much in my REAL journal that I haven't had too much of a chance to transfer my leftover thoughts here. Yea that's right, you get my leftovers. At any rate I was leaving work on Sunday after intense family sessions and was spent.

the thing is I can, at times, get fairly overwhelmed from my work. the truth is i rarely know how to write about it, i rarely know how to talk about it, communicating what is my experience in my role as therapist is challenging. please tell me that it is for you to? (this is for all my therapist buddies)

i was at the hospital where i work a few weeks back and i passed out while watching a patient undergo an electro-convulsive treatment for his depression. i've observed it multiple times prior to that occasion, but it seems i am pretty weak when it comes to witnessing someone in pain. this patient had a bad reaction. . . we'll leave it at that. so anyhow i had to go to our ER to get checked after blacking out. the professional diagnosis after checking all my vitals can be summed up in saying: I am a wuss.

it's true. once my mom had her gall bladder out and when i saw her with an IV i fainted. it seems i can't WATCH people in PHYSICAL pain. but i can sit all day and HEAR their EMOTIONAL pain. how weird am i?

back to sunday. i had just ended what was a 90 minute therapy session which was a half hour too long because the 2 sets of parents (heterosexual and homosexual sets-don't ask, it's much too hard to explain) had a very difficult time discussing with their rebellious and depressed teen the changes that are being made at home.

i finally stared at the wall at the nurses station, took what felt like my first full breath of oxygen, closed my eyes, and in visioned my heart beating so hard that my other organs were vibrating to it's rhythm. these are the times i wish i had metal criss-cross wired gates shielding my body instead of marrow in bones. but then Wolverine was sorta an outcast, so maybe metal isn't the best option of defense.

all this was less than 48 hours after returning from Latin America. a land where you kiss everyone multiple times, family is TOP priority, free time is spent sitting with people you care about, a place where people are together and affection is not with held, and eating meals together is an event. it is a place where i can taste contentment in my life con rico sabor.

i was on the "el" later remembering how the movie Crash begins. and i wonder how it is that families are falling apart all over the place. like enormous mirrors shattered so much the only reflections are sharp edges and deep marrings on the pieces nearby.

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.