space
one of my favorite things about my job is creating space for people to feel comfortable enough to share their lives with me. the more i think about it, the more i realize that if we actually did this in our personal relationships, life would really be so intimate.
the whole process is really interesting because you start asking yourself what does it take for someone to trust a room enough to feel safe. and what does it take for a person to trust you enough to give it a go.
i'm not sure how well i did, but my office looks really cool. there is a lot of color, which is more about me than it is about them. i wonder what my clients will need to feel that safety. sometimes it seems no matter how much you try, it always comes back to them being willing to jump into the abyss having faith that they won't be in it alone.
posted by Stephanie Willis, LCPC, CADC @ 21:21
8 Comments:
Maybe if you posted a pic of your office, people could give you feedback about how safe your office "looks".
creating a space where someone can feel free is one of the hardest tasks i've faced in marriage. it's hard to not let all of your own shit cloud the space and shut things down before you get started.
and yes, you need to post a pic so we can all ooh and ahhh over how cool your office is. mine is like a beige box of hell.
hmm. i'll consider posting pics as soon as i steal someone's digital camera. mostly i work with teens so there's lots of music stuff, color, dim lighting and distracting objects.
i'm much more interested in what you've brought up Liz. the issue of sharing space in a relationship of vulnerability. i don't know how you try "not to let your own shit cloud the space", but it would sure be an interesting discussion. i'm glad you raised the difficulty of the task in marriage.
in my work as a therapist, i am often curious what makes up the nucleus of safety in relationships?
The issue of trust has to start before you get married so that you can actually feel comfortable enough to put yourself into such a vulnerable position. Trevor is definitely my best friend, and the ONE person I tell everything to. And, it was like that before we got married. I wonder if not having trust before the vows is what is causing a lot of marital issues after the vows. Marriage is so much more about selfishness these days, when it should be about compromise and unconditional love. I think I'll shut up now.
i wrote a post on this.
andrea- i don't think that marriage is any more about selfishness these days that it used to be. i think people are just generally selfish and always have been, always will be. does that mean we shouldn't fight it? no, but it's definitely there.
Karen- Big Pillows ARE safe, so true! Maybe you can quilt me one.
Dre-so true about trust! when ppl don't build a stable foundation of trust prior to marriage, things just get messier later. i think there are A LOT of things "after the vows" so to speak that lend to problems in marriage, both externally and internally. but trust is huge.
Liz-I love gladiolas BTW. I haven't read your post yet. Per your response to Dre, I agree. Marriage isn't anymore about selfishness "these days" than it use to. I do think for those of us (lucky??) ppl who grew up in the church, we tend to have limited views on marriage. So I think most of the marriages I saw growing up in the church (some/many) were striving towards "compromise and unconditional love". Once I got more into my field working with marriages/parents, I sorta wondered if suddenly everything had changed and ppl were more selfish all of a sudden. hope that makes sense. . . the fact is ppl are OMNI-selfish both CHRSTN AND nonCHRSTN. reminds me of Paul's whole "Do what I don't want to do/Grace" Schpiel. It is worth the fight.
interesting thoughts here. the home I grew up in was not safe. my friends rarely came over, and when they did, they felt unwelcome. I always hated that.
most of what I do with my home now - the home I share with my wife - is an attempt to make it the opposite of my parent's home. a place where people are welcome and given food and beverage, and where the TV is always off, and where conversation is hopefully engaging.
that doesn't make my home safe, but I think it's better than what I grew up in.
btm - i like your home. a lot. always food. always beverage. always good conversation. always dingo. licking my face.
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